Am I Going Crazy?
by asdfghjkl-so-many-feels
Summary: A selection of poems about a teenage girl, Wren, struggling with her life
1. Names

_NAMES ARE WEIRD_

Robin Leadly.  
My friends like to call me Rob  
or Robbie  
or, sometimes, Robert.  
My boyfriend calls me Robin.  
But my best friend Zoe calls me Wren.  
She's the only one who cares that I prefer being a different bird.  
Zoe or Zoey. She doesn't care. But that's another story


	2. Boyfriend

_Boyfriend.  
_My friend, Josephine, used to have a crush on my boyfriend, Kevin.  
She doesn't anymore.  
One day my friend, Raj, wanted to ask out a girl he liked.  
I tried to boost his self-confidence by asking out a guy.  
The plan was to get rejected but he said yes.  
From then on people kept on teasing me.  
They'd say, "You're going out with Kevin the Water Boy?"  
I also got complaints from people.  
"Your boyfriend shoved me in the hall"  
"Your boyfriend said this and this and this."  
He called each other until one of us fell asleep.  
One night, I pretended to be asleep and he whispered  
"I love you."  
My eyes went wide.  
He hung up the phone.  
We had been going out for a week.  
This idiot didn't know what love was. _  
_


	3. Kevin's Birthday

_Kevin's Birthday_  
I didn't bother singing him Happy Birthday  
or looking for him in the morning before first period.  
I didn't bother getting him anything. All the complaints about the stupid stuff he did was building up.  
I didn't care it was his birthday.  
I told my twin to do it for me because I couldn't.  
She did and Kevin didn't believe her.  
I told him a second time and he just looked at me and left.  
I found him crying after school.


	4. My Fraternal Twin, Bea

_My Fraternal Twin  
_We both knew sign language.  
We both watched Switched at Birth.  
We both watched Doctor Who.  
We both loved art. The real kind, not just doodling on paper.  
We met on the first day of school by doing the cat-daddy together in gym  
She was a blonde, I was a brunette.  
She had blue eyes, I had brown.  
She hated that preppy Josephine who was my friend. (I could see why.)  
And more than anything. We are definitely twins.


	5. Making Friends

_Making Friends  
_He followed me on GIFBOOM.  
I followed back.  
His profile had his phone number.  
I texted him.  
I didn't know it then, but we had just started a long friendship.  
We texted until midnight. Ended our conversations with meaningless I luv ya's  
And he grew into a crush to me  
And I shrunk into his little sister.  
That's what he called me.  
We texted for hours.  
I had painted and been texting him.  
I got a compliment saying "I like your artsy side."  
I had been flirting with him the whole time.  
We just texted and texted when.  
It just stopped.  
I texted him back. I was being clingy but I didn't care.  
He then burst on me.  
_Stop texting me because I have a life outside of you. I don't want a serious relationship with you. I may have broken up with my girlfriend but that doesn't give you rights. I am 3 years older than you and we shouldn't be together because it would be an awkward long distance relationship. I trust you but I don't want us to have to be worrying about us cheating on each other.  
_We had been friends for quite a while.  
I even had planned a trip to see him after Christmas.  
I wasn't so sure now.


	6. I Hate Him

_I Hate Him.  
_My dad agreed to take me to Christian.  
We had forgiven each other.  
My dad then out of the blue told me we weren't going to see him in Florida.  
I left the dinner table,  
Went to my room,  
And did something I hadn't done for a while,  
I curled up in a corner, wrapped my arms around my knees and cried.  
All my dad did was yell.  
_I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him._


	7. Jospehine's Older Boyfriend

_Josephine's Older Boyfriend  
_She had been talking about him all week.  
Hannah and Nicole had been grilling her about him all week.  
She kept on talking about how cute he was and how they hugged _all _the time.  
They ended up kissing but there was one thing I didn't like.  
She still felt like she could call other boys cute.  
Calling boys cute evolves into crushes.  
Crushes evolve into dates.  
Dates evolves into cheating.  
I just didn't want that for that stupid, girly, preppy, Josephine.


	8. Michael

_YouNow_  
A live broadcasting website.  
That sounds fun.  
I went to a channel called "Fizzy", named after one of my favorite YouTubers.  
I found a quirky and adorable kid on there.  
Michael.  
I put a friendly "Hi!" in the chat bar.  
We had talked and I had a new friend.  
Face-booking until our laptops needed to be charged.  
This boy was funny, smart, kind, and cute. Zoe thought so too.  
One day we Skyped.  
We had laughed and talked for an hour,  
Before my dad walked in.  
He kept checking on me.  
"We'll have a talk later"


	9. I Hate Him Even More

_I Hate Him More.  
_His lecture was the worst.  
He started  
**"How many internet friends do you have?"**  
"Two."  
**"Who contacted who?"**  
"I contacted him"  
**"Why?"**  
"Because he was nice."  
**"Why are you so trusting?"**  
"I don't know" I added under my breath "Or care."  
**"Stop making internet friends."**  
"Okay" I said  
**"I don't know why I bought you a frickin' iPhone anyways."**  
I thought 'Whatever Dad. I can't wait to get out of here'  
**"I'm leaving for work in 2 days.**  
**I hope you appreciate that I care."**  
"Yes"  
**"What if someone asks you, do you have a period?"**  
_Michael isn't like that.._  
Through the whole lecture,  
He kept looking down at my chest.


	10. What They Think

_That's What They Think  
_They think I have friends.  
So many friends.  
Like I'm this bitchy popular girl.  
I don't have that many friends.  
Most people think I'm weird.  
My mom thinks I'm boy-crazy because I get on better with older guys.  
But I'm not.  
Guy friends aren't crying about broken nails.  
Guy Friends don't get girlfriends and call other girls hot.  
Guy friends are better.  
My only girlfriends always turn out to be bitches.  
That's what I thought before I met Bea, Hannah, Nicole, and Zoe.  
They stuck with me.


	11. Kieran

_Angel Face.  
_He brushed past me  
I thought he was an angel sent to me

To make me happy again.

To stop it all from being awful.  
I said "Hi, I'm Robin."  
"Do I know you?" He replied.

"No, but we should be friends."  
"I'm Kieran. I have to get to class."

Kieran. My favorite name now.

A few awkward talks in the hallway later and  
We are going to meet at the mall on Saturday.

Of course, an older boy.  
I had even made him laugh a couple times.


	12. In a Teacup

_Gone_

He didn't show. I was stood up. I made a

dumbass loser of

myself. I just want

to shrink and go live

in a tea cup.


	13. New Choir Class

Choir Class.  
My First day, A Monday  
I hadn't known the songs,  
I hadn't known anyone expect  
Bea.  
And not to mention we had been headed  
to the mall this Friday.  
I saw someone in the front.  
A blondie kid.  
I've seen him before,  
then I recalled his name.  
Jason. I smiled.  
A choir boy. Bea and Jason  
would be a good couple.


	14. Benny

Bernard.  
"You have to go" my sister pleaded.  
I told her I'd go, to make  
my mom happy. I waited until  
someone I knew showed up.  
Nobody, but, a kid with  
a Blood on the Dance floor shirt.  
I smiled. I complimented  
him on the shirt. "Benny" he introduced.  
"Wren." I said, nervous.  
He looked emo, but claimed  
he wasn't. He hadn't cut himself.  
We held hands and watched the performance.  
Three years older than me,  
of course. "I want to kiss you" he  
said to me, his blue eyes full  
of hope. "Too many witnesses", I joked.  
Got his phone number, got his last name.  
We texted until the end of the long, rainy nights.  
2 hours phone conversations. An older boy  
liked me back. I smiled when I thought of him.


	15. Friday of The Concert

The Friday of The Choir Concert.

Bea was there,  
Kevin was there,  
Josephine's EX, was there,  
Jason was there.  
After the songs we had gone  
to the food court. Something  
to eat. Jason, Belle, Bea,  
Diya, and Krystn. When we finished  
eating, Jason said "We should get some ice  
cream". We went down to Haggen Daz and saw  
the ice cream prices,  
Small: $4  
Medium: $5  
Pint: $7  
Quart: $9.  
Jason insisted on the quart.  
Cookie dough, of course.  
The choir teacher told us we had 10 minutes  
until we went back on the bus.  
NO FOOD ALLOWED.  
We tossed our deep dish pizza, breadsticks,  
and pasta aside.  
Ready, set, GO!  
Brain freezes.  
Everyone bonded.  
I had a set of friends,  
not an exclusive clique or  
something for the snobby kids.  
Just  
Kids of all races, classes, and grades.  
Eating ice cream and getting brain freezes.  
Something had shifted.

I had a crush. On Jason Hashburrow.  
Bea hadn't liked him, had she?  
We finished the ice cream.  
Jason and I went to the restroom,  
thinking about throwing up.  
We got on the bus.  
I asked Bea here  
opinion on Jason and Robin.  
She was serious, "good idea."  
I was actually afraid to ask Jason to be my  
boyfriend. What about my date with  
Benny? Jason was, more, uh, possible  
to go out with. I couldn't find the right  
words. I was doing it. I began,  
"Uh, Jason" I started nervously,  
"will you go out with me?"  
He smiled that beautiful smile.  
"Sure." He exclaimed.  
I sighed a happy sigh, I had  
a boyfriend.


	16. No Point

No Point.  
My friend told me  
"Wow you move on fast!"  
When she knew about Jason and I.  
I responded something that should  
be written in the Female Heartbreak Bible.  
"Well, there is no point in  
pouting and crying over someone  
who is done with you; move on"


	17. Nurse's Office

_Nurse's Office._

I got my temperature taken.  
The nurse sighed. "Over 100.  
I'll call your mother."  
I couldn't stop thinking  
about Jason. I wanted to  
see him after 7th period.  
I waited and waited for my mom.


	18. Josephine Ruined It

Josephine Ruined It.  
When the last period bell rung,  
I immediately found Jason. I took  
his hand and told him the about  
the nurse's office story.  
He laughed and we passed by half  
of my friends that didn't know  
about us. Then Josephine  
passed by. "Josephine!"  
Jason whispered and released his  
hand from mine before we  
caught her interest. We nervously greeted her and passed by quickly.  
He took my hand and we walked to his locker.  
I felt dizzy, but I wasn't as hot  
anymore. I occasionally out my head on  
his shoulder for support.  
He patted my back and  
then we went our separate ways.  
Jason was walking and I was  
still waiting for my mom.  
I'm still not allowed to have a boyfriend.  
Whatever.


	19. In bed, Reading

In Bed, Reading.

Reading Eclipse changing  
Edward's name to Jason  
and Bella's name to Wren.  
Jacob was Benny then I thought.  
I missed him. Apart for an hour  
I wasn't go to see him.  
Crap.  
I'm going to have to cancel  
with Benny. I missed them both.  
I couldn't like them both.


	20. Chapter 20

Another internet friend.  
It wasn't a good idea.  
Benny had started pretending  
he didn't know who I was.  
Mikey, an Australian boy who  
I probably couldn't Skype with.  
Pokemon, Dubstep, Dancing, Me.  
Just a list of things he adores.


	21. Bye Michael 3

Zoey texted me:  
~EMERGENCY!  
Talking to a hot Aussie, what?~  
~Michael is gone, he sent me a message saying goodbye forever and that he loves us and misses us.  
I cried. Michael was my brother at heart, we had been such good friends. I went to some fro-yo with Jason. Then came back and cried with Mikey. He tried to comfort me and we joked around.

M- Pick up line war!  
You're so hot like the sunrise-W  
M-Are you a pikachu, because you are shockingly beautiful!  
After a few pickup lines.

MICHAEL HAS UPDATED HIS STATUS  
He was joking around with his friends.  
Whatever, he was dead to me. He messaged me and told him that he just got high and cut himself.  
Yep.  
DEAD  
TO  
ME


	22. Christmas Surprise

Christmas  
It was same old, same old.  
A few new shirts,  
Some money from my grandparents.  
Except a cruise.

I got my phone taken away.  
Twitter deleted.  
Facebook deactivated, too.  
But I'm actually still ok.


	23. The Cruise

A boy. Again.  
I'm not boy-crazy  
I just don't know  
if Jason is right for me.  
He's been to military school. ...  
NOT. GOOD.  
So this boy, Gerard.  
2 years older.  
We hung out everyday on the cruise.  
'Till the last day,  
I scheduled a whole evening together and he didn't show up.  
So I hung out with Victor, Amelia, Connor, and Gracie while  
he probably made out with this chic called Brittany.  
/3


	24. I Miss Them

I miss them.  
Not having breakfast with them.  
Not playing minigolf together.  
Not having lunch together.  
Not going to the pool together.  
Not having frequent dance parties together.  
I miss all my friends from the cruise.  
Everyone.


	25. The Best Sleepover

Bea and Julie came for a sleepover.  
Knowing Jason would be up, we called him.  
He kept going on about how his friends  
want me to "break up wit my ass".  
I was tired and after a while I just told him  
to listen to his heart, not to his douchey  
friends. Even though they are the most important  
thing to him. Then he said it.


	26. Single

"I-mmmmmm bbbbbbrrrrrrreeeeeaaaaakkkkk kkiiiiiiinnnnnggggggg uuuuuuupppppp wwwwwwwwiiiiiiittttttttthhhh hhhh yyyyyyyooooooouuuuuuu." No, seriously, he said it really slow.

I siad, "Breaking up with me because your friends want you to."  
He sighed, "Yes, sorry."  
"FUCK YOU, JASON".


	27. Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is Thrusday,  
and I'm oober excited.  
Chocolates, hugs, and kissing.  
My top 3 favorite things.  
There's a guy,  
I've had a crush on him since the beginning of the year  
But nobody's really known.  
His name is Dan.  
He's a total video game nerd  
but,  
still relly cute and funny and smart.


	28. Dan's Locker

_Dear Dan,_  
_I've liked you since the beginning of the year. But, as the year went on I've pretended to not like you anymore. I realize that that was a mistake and that leaves me with one thing to say: _

_Will you go out with me? _  
_ -Robin. 3_

Then it went in his locker. Never to be seen again.  
I'm still anxiously waiting for tomorrow.  
But he did leave little hints here and there  
that he likes me too.


End file.
